by Tiffany | Sep 17, 2018 | Calls for Participants, Identity, Intersectionality, Possibilities Calgary, Zines
Image description: A rainbow bubble against a black background. Possibilities Youth: Creating a bubble of community. six-week, trans-inclusive facilitated group for bi/pan/ace/2s youth. Contact Tiffany Sostar sostarselfcare@gmail.com. Noon-2 pm, Nov 10 – Dec 15, 2018.
On November 10, Possibilities Youth will officially launch. There will be fanfare. There will be snacks. There will be awkward silences and also possibly some references to Steven Universe.
Does that sound amazing? If so, register!
This group is open to registered attendees only, and is limited to 10 participants. There is no cost* to attend. We will be meeting on Saturdays from noon-2 in the East Village.
We will be meeting once a week for six weeks, and during the course of those six weeks we will talk about a whole bunch of things! (And we will eat quite a few snacks.)
Some of the topics we’ll touch on, and the kinds of questions we might ask are:
Self-Care
- What does self-care mean to you?
- What is your relationship with self-care?
- Do mainstream ideas about self-care feel right for you?
- How did you develop your own unique self-care skills, values, and ideas?
- What insider knowledges have you developed that might help other bi/pan/ace/2s youth strengthen their self-care skills?
Community
- Who is in your community? (‘Real’ and fictional communities both count!)
- Who do you support?
- Who supports you?
- How have you learned to offer and receive support?
- How have you responded to hard times in your community; times when you felt less supported, or when you felt alone or isolated, or when you saw other members of your community struggling?
- What would you want other bi/pan/ace/2s youth to know about community?
Sexuality and Gender
- What is important to you about your experience of sexuality and gender?
- What do you wish other people knew about people like you?
- What have you learned about your orientation and gender, and which parts of that teaching do you agree with or disagree with?
- How have you resisted negative narratives about bi/pan/ace/2s youth?
There will also be opportunities for you to decide what you want to talk about, and to guide the conversation.
You might have noticed a theme of sharing knowledge in these questions, and that’s because one outcome of this group will be a Possibilities Youth Zine that collects and shares the skills and insider knowledges of the group with other queer youth – including a companion group in Adelaide, Australia, who will be responding to some of our work!
Contributions to the zine will be anonymous, unless you request otherwise. The zine will also only include those stories and insights that participants choose to include: the group discussions themselves will remain confidential, as will attendance in the group.
If you’re interested in participating, fill out the registration form!
* There are costs associated with running this group, and if you’re an adult or ally who wants to support this new initiative, I would love to have you join my Patreon or donate to support this work!
by Tiffany | Sep 2, 2018 | Possibilities Calgary
Image description: A hand-written note in blue, pink, and purple ink. “Dear young self, I’m here because you kept going. Thank you. <3”
We’re back after our summer hiatus!
In September, we’ll be talking about how we got through. The things we knew, and the things we wish we’d known.
I find the “it gets better” narrative often so frustrating. It doesn’t always get better, and that narrative can be so discouraging for folks who don’t see a way that it will get better.
But one thing that is always true, is that we got through. We made choices as younger queer folks that have allowed us to get to this point. We resisted. We persisted. We did what we needed to do.
In September’s conversation, we’re going to talk about what we did, and how we got through. We’ll spend some time talking about what we held close, what we cherished, what we hoped for, what we held onto in order to get through.
And then, we’ll turn the conversation into a shareable resource that might offer hope to other folks who are trying to get through!
I’m pretty far behind on getting the collaborative documents pulled together, but they’re happening slowly but surely!
You can see the first of our collective documents here, extending our November discussion about queerness and physical self-care – https://tiffanysostar.com/queerness-and-physical-self-care-resource/
And the second, about queerness and holiday self-care, here – tiffanysostar.com/holiday-self-care-resource/
And the third, winter self-care for weary queers, here – https://tiffanysostar.com/winter-self-care-for-weary-queers/
And the fourth, self-care in queer relationships, here – tiffanysostar.com/self-care-in-queer-relationships-resource/
Our September meeting will be on Sept 18, from 6:30-8:30 PM at Loft 112. There will be conversation, complexity, and, most importantly, community.
There is a small fee associated with renting the space, and you can support the event by either donating at the event or becoming a Patreon supporter.
We have a new focus on self-care and self-storying for the bi+ community (bisexual, pansexual, asexual, two spirit, with an intentional focus on trans inclusion), and a new framework for sustainability (you can now support this work by backing the Patreon at www.patreon.com/sostarselfcare).
There is no cost to attend.
This is an intentionally queer, feminist, anti-oppressive space. The discussion will be open, as they always were, to all genders and orientations, as well as all abilities, educational levels, classes, body types, ethnicities – basically, if you’re a person, you’re welcome!
These discussions take place on Treaty 7 land, and the traditional territories of the Blackfoot, Siksika, Piikuni, Kainai, Tsuutina, and Stoney Nakoda First Nations, including Chiniki, Bearspaw, and Wesley First Nation. This land is also home to Métis Nation of Alberta, Region 3.
It is important to note that Possibilities Calgary is a community discussion group and not a dating group.
by Tiffany | Mar 19, 2018 | Downloadable resources, Possibilities Calgary
Way back in February, Possibilities, the bisexual/pansexual/asexual and trans-inclusive community group, met to talk about self-care in queer relationships. As always, I took a million notes in order to generate a resource based on that conversation.
But that conversation was so rich and so full of themes and ideas and nuanced concepts, and I’ve started my grad studies now… it took quite a bit longer than usual to generate.
But now! At long last!!
The Self-Care in Queer Relationships resource is ready. (Link is to PDF.)
This document touches on queer friendships, navigating family dynamics, romantic relationships, sexual health, breaking up, and forgiveness. It doesn’t even begin to do justice to our conversation, and I suspect this will be just the first of a series of resources on this topic (I know for sure there is at least one blog post waiting, on the topic of the closet and self-care).
I am so thankful to everyone who contributed to the conversation, and to Stephen and Zac who both asked that their names be included, and to Zac Hickey for editing this document.
The March Possibilities topic is Self-Care for Queer Geeks, and since I’m in Australia (!!!) for an Advanced Narrative Skills teaching block, my partner Scott will be facilitating. They are eminently qualified to run a discussion on the topic of queerness, self-care, and geekery, since they have years of experience DMing tabletop RPGs that are intentionally gender and orientation inclusive, consent-focused, and welcoming of diverse identities. There will be a resource created following this conversation, too, and I’m excited to see how we manage that!
(If you want access to these resources early, additional behind-the-scenes content, and/or to support this work, you can get all that over at the Patreon!)
by Tiffany | Nov 28, 2017 | Downloadable resources, Health, Identity, Possibilities Calgary, Writing
Image description – A screenshot of the front cover of the PDF. Blue text reads “Queerness and Physical Self-Care: Gyms, Team Sports, and Gender.” Smaller text reads “A Document Generated Following the November 2017 Possibilities Calgary Bi+ Discussion Group.” There is a decorative orange line down the right side of the image.
The monthly Possibilities discussions are full of rich insights, knowledge-sharing, and collaboration from within our bisexual, pansexual, asexual, trans-inclusive community.
One of my goals is to create resources that grow out of these generous and creative conversations, so that the work we do in those moments can extend out to join larger conversations about queerness and self-care. One reason for this is because when we are struggling, we have valuable insider knowledge that can help other people who are also struggling – it’s not true that the only people with answers are the “experts” or the ones who have it all figured out. To the contrary – it is often those of us who are actively grappling with an issue who have more direct insight and knowledge to share. This doesn’t mean there isn’t a place for experts or guides, but part of what I hope to accomplish with my work is consistently and intentionally centering the voices of marginalized individuals and communities, and creating resources that honour hard-won knowledge and skills.
In an effort to share these moments of community-generated wisdom from the Possibilities discussions, I’ll be creating a resource most months that documents and shares our collective insights. Anonymity, or naming, is at each participant’s discretion, and at the beginning of the discussion we talk about why I’m taking notes, what I’m planning to do with them, and how people can access the document before it goes public. Any participants who want to look over the document before it’s made public have that opportunity, and there’s a second check-in at the end of the discussion to make sure everyone is aware of what might be shared and has a chance to opt in or out. Confidentiality within supportive community spaces is so critical, and these documents will not contain identifying details (unless participants want to be named or identified).
This document is meant to extend the conversation and also to invite further conversation. Please email me at sostarselfcare@gmail.com if you have any questions, or would like to add to this discussion.
This document was created following our November 21, 2017 meeting, and is meant to be a resource for the queer community that validates the challenges of physical self-care as a queer person, and offers potential ways forward.
The Key Points
• It can be difficult to access or maintain access to gyms and other fitness-focused spaces because of expectations of gender identity and sexuality, particularly expectations of hypermasculinity and heterosexuality.
• In spaces that are not explicitly queer-inclusive, performing an acceptable identity can keep us safe, but the emotional costs can be high.
• Solidarity – both within the community (going together to a space), and from allies (working to create safer spaces) – is one potential way forward.
• We have made significant progress as a society, but there is a lot more work to be done.
• Self-care is a complex and interconnected process – physical self-care is not distinct from emotional, mental, or social self-care. We need them all.
I’ll be creating a document like this for most of the future Possibilities discussions, so you can look forward to Queerness and Holiday Self-Care coming up next month!
Download the PDF here.
by Tiffany | Mar 22, 2017 | Health, Identity, Intersectionality, Patreon rewards, Personal, Plot twist, Possibilities Calgary
Possibilities Calgary is relaunching! Over the next couple weeks, you’ll see the About pages updating on the Facebook, the MeetUp, and Twitter. The posting for the first event will be going up tomorrow, and the event itself will happen in April. The first blog post will be up the first week of April. (You’ll even see a dedicated page on tiffanysostar.com, but not quite yet.)
We’re back!
First, some history. Then, some FAQs (the questions I asked myself most frequently when planning the relaunch).
Some history
Possibilities Calgary was founded in 2010 as the term-project in a Feminist Praxis course. I was in my second year of University, had recently come out as bisexual, and was searching for community. Searching… and searching… and searching…
At the time, there was no cohesive community in Calgary for bisexuals.
This is not unusual, since the bisexual community is chronically under-supported. The lack of support leads to, among other things, increased risk of intimate partner violence, under- and unemployment, significant rates of poverty, and poor mental health outcomes. (For a comprehensive look at the issues, read the 2011 Bisexual Invisibility Report, or, even better, read Shiri Eisner’s fantastic Bi: Notes for a Bisexual Revolution.)
I wanted community, and I couldn’t find it, so I built it. I had support from my Women’s Studies professor, Fiona Nelson. I met with community leaders to learn how to organize queer and feminist community in safe and effective ways. I had an amazing group of people to help me, and the Possibilities board was such a phenomenal support.
Possibilities ran for 5 years.
In that time, we expanded to include the asexual community (zero is not one, and so our ace friends fit under the non-monosexual umbrella comfortably!), and to include the transgender community (particularly the non-binary and transfeminine communities). There are trans members of every orientation – gender identity and sexual or romantic orientation are not the same things – but we found that those folks at the intersection of trans and non-monosexual identities were particularly and uniquely marginalized, and that Possibilities could help. For the last year of Possibilities, we had an offshoot community in Translations, which focused on transfeminine experiences.
We hosted three BiBQs during Calgary’s Pride week, and two Probabilities: Queer and Feminist Gaming Conventions. We also partnered with Calgary Outlink to host a monthly Community Café, which was a gender- and orientation-inclusive space. And, one of my personal highlights, we ran the UnConference series, bringing in speakers for multi-day events (including the hugely successful co-hosting of Courtney Trouble with the University of Calgary’s Institute for Gender Research).
Brittany says, “The BiBq was a super chill thing that I miss!” and Jocelyn confirms, “Get togethers involving food and convo” were a favourite feature.
Sid, a former board member says, “I got the opportunity not just to have my own need for support and community met but that I was also in an environment that gently encouraged me to explore how I related to other axes of oppression. Also, I always appreciated the constant supply of tea.”
Our intersectionality developed and grew over time, and although it was always imperfect, it was sincere. Rachel says, “I felt incredibly safe there.”
Michael, another former board member, says, “I really appreciated the sense of belonging to a community, and the ability to learn and grow from a group of amazing people with diverse life experiences.”
Scott, also a board member and facilitator, says, “I am not a word smith. I don’t have words beyond it was community for me. It felt inclusive and supportive.”
Jonathan, who helped me with the founding of the group, says, “Possibilities helped me learn more about how my newly discovered queer identity fit within a community. It enriched what would otherwise have been a much lonelier journey.”
It was good. It was so good. And it was needed.
But in 2015, a significant percentage of the board had moved on to new cities or new projects, and I burned out hard. Physically, emotionally, financially – I was tapped. The board members who remained continued to work hard, and new volunteers stepped up, but the organization was struggling. We couldn’t keep going. After major soul searching, we admitted the truth. Possibilities was on hiatus.
In 2016, I looked at restarting Possibilities, but realized that I didn’t have the resources to make it sustainable for myself. It hurt, but we stayed on hiatus.
But yesterday was the first day of Spring, 2017, and it was time for this seed to grow again. And so…
Some questions
Why am I relaunching Possibilities now?
Because it’s time. Because not having access to community causes harm, and because I have always believed that if you can do something good, then maybe you should do something good. (That maybe is super important – only you know what you can and can’t, or want to, do.) Because I miss this community. Because I miss being a community organizer. Because it’s time.
How am I going to avoid burning out again?
Friendship and magic? No, but seriously, I am hoping that two years of learning better self-care skills will help. I am also going to make it easier for people to support the work, and am tying it directly to my self-care and narrative work, which leads us to…
What will the relaunch involve?
I am making two commitments in this relaunch effort – one blog post or article per month, and one in-person “self-care for the b+ community” meeting. I don’t know if the BiBQ, or the gaming events, or the UnConference series, or any of the other major projects we were involved with will come back online, but I’m also not going to worry about that yet. By tying the work explicitly and intentionally to my self-care resource creation, this iteration of Possibilities fits beautifully into the work I’m doing for (and with) my Patreon. Which leads to the final question –
How can community members get involved?
If Possibilities is important to you, and you value having this community back up and running, please consider becoming a patron. That is the best way you can support this work, though I know not everyone is able. Possibilities discussion events, and the blog posts and articles, will be free for anyone, and the Patreon is what makes that possible. (Blog posts will also be available a week early for patrons, so, there’s that!) It makes me so happy to have come full circle, to have spiralled around to a new way to approach an old passion, and you can help ensure that the community stays active and vibrant going forward.
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