navigating your story

self-care, self-discovery, self-expression

Mug, books, and journal

Your stories, your self.

What is the story you tell yourself when you look in the mirror?

When you reflect on the day?

When you think about your past, your present, your future?

Those stories shape how you see yourself and the world around you, and how you respond to situations and stressors. Some of these stories are positive, hopeful, wholehearted. But others are full of fear, shame, and internalized stereotypes and negative stories.

Self-care coaching can help you thrive by helping you develop sustainable and effective habits and strategies, regardless of the ongoing challenges in your life.

Narrative coaching can help you see clearly what stories you’ve internalized, and then intentionally keep the helpful ones and transform the helpful into something more whole, more true, more you.

And these two focuses work together holistically to give you immediately applicable coping strategies and support as you examine and transform your inner narratives. You already are the protagonist and the narrator of your own story – nobody can give you that power, and nobody can take it away. But often we lose connection to our deep self-storying abilities, and self-care and narrative coaching can help us get back in touch with that knowledge.

I can also help you write a new story through my “Transformative Year” package.



We can work together one-on-one, or with a group. My coaching style is collaborative and holistic – we will co-create a plan that will help you navigate, understand, and transform your life story in a way that feels sustainable, stable, and wholehearted.

Self-Care Resources

Are you looking for immediate and accessible help? You’ll find resources here. This category will be growing over the next year as I complete projects. These free resources are made possible by my patrons on Patreon and I appreciate it so much.

Writing in the Margins Workshops

From writing intensives, retreats, and groups to the monthly Smutty Story Circle, Writing in the Margins has offered accessible, sex-positive, queer- and trans-friendly, intersectional feminist writing spaces for the last seven years. We focus on creative non-fiction, fiction, and poetry.


Have you written something amazing? I can edit your fiction, creative non-fiction, academic paper, dissertation, or book. I bring a gentle and insightful editing voice, and a keen eye for detail. I read for grammar and style, of course, but what I’m best at is reading for intersectionality, accessibility, and queer and feminist politics.

Sostar Self Care on Facebook

Sostar Self Care on Facebook

I'm thinking about worthiness today, and the ways in which we doubt our own worthiness, and try to become worthy by being 'useful,' being 'good,' being whatever it is we think we need to be in order to earn our place in this world.

What are you doing to try and become worthy?

Be gentle with yourself in this inquiry.

Many of us on the margins have been told over and over and over again that we are wrong, bad, difficult to love, difficult to be with. That there is something about us that makes people uncomfortable - we don't fit, we make things hard, we are challenging.

Sometimes we resist these messages by trying to be easier to be with, trying to be quieter, less confronting, less loud, less needy. We try to be useful, helpful, pleasant, friendly, small, quiet, unassuming.

Sometimes these efforts to become more acceptable, more worthy, start to feel like self-negation. Invalidation. Erasure.

I am not going to suggest that you stop doing those things today. That's a lot.

I *am* going to suggest that you start noticing those things, though.

Why are you biting your tongue?

Why are you offering help rather than asking for help?

Why are you holding so much? Taking on responsibility for other's emotions, for their needs, for their comfort, when it comes at the expense of your own?

And, in the noticing, just start gently questioning whether that's what you want for yourself.

Maybe there is another way.

Have there been relationships where your full self was welcomed?

Can you imagine such a relationship?

It's okay to keep doing the things that we do to try and earn our place in the world (even though I do strongly believe that none of us needs to "earn" our place - we are all already worthy, we are all already part of this world). It's okay to keep doing what you're doing. You're not doing anything wrong or bad when you do these things that shrink yourself in order to get access to social connection and to acceptance.

But I think we could start naming those things, noticing them, questioning whether we want them in our lives.

We might start noticing when people expect us to shrink, or when we assume that people expect us to shrink.

We might imagine worlds with space for us in our fullness.

That's what I'm taking into my day, holding it in nervous, sweaty hands because I am 100% feeling the Big Unworthiness.

So, I'm not asking you to engage in this inquiry from a position of having already worked through it for myself. Rather, this is an invitation for you to join me in the inquiry, because I'm right here in it, too.
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4 hours ago   ·  1

2 Replies


I am trying to look prettier and accomplish more. I feel like too much emphasis is put on what I produce, on what I do with my time, and not enough on who I am, the work I've put into building good character. I am trying hard to appear to be something I'm not, because I don't feel valued for what I am.

3 hours ago

Comment on Facebook

Many of us on the margins are holding a dozen thin threads and trying to braid them into something that can hold our weight.

We're working multiple jobs (paid or unpaid).

We're going to school or we're learning a craft or we're teaching ourselves to cook or to care for ourselves or our families or our communities.

We're dealing with precarity and the particular extended stress of paycheck-to-paycheck. If that.

We're caring for kids, for parents, for partners, for ourselves.

We're trying to stretch across service gaps to get help with our transitions, to get help with our queer sexual health, to get help with our emotional and mental health. We're struggling to access care within racist colonial systems, within fatphobic systems, within ableist and saneist systems. Systems that are not designed to serve us, that are not designed with us in mind, that enact further harm when we try to access help.

We're holding our families together.

We're holding our futures together.

We're holding our hearts together.

It's hard!

If that describes your experience, take a moment to breathe.

Sometimes there is this deeply painful individualizing narrative that we get stuck in - if we were better with money, if we were healthier, if we were the right kind of person, a better kind of person, then it would be easier. As if it's our own fault for struggling to exist within systems that are not designed to support our existence.

If it's helpful, offer yourself a validation - even write it down, if you want.

"I am tired because I am doing..."

"I am anxious because I am experiencing..."

"I am feeling low because I am having to..."

Take a look at the skills, strategies, knowledges, and efforts you are bringing into your life.

You are doing so much!

You are dealing with what's in front of you in the best way that you can, and it is good enough.

If it's helpful, validate those skills, strategies, knowledges, and efforts that are getting you through this, and helping you get your families and communities through this.

"I am responding by..."

"I am using my skill of..."

"I know how to get through this because..."

Sometimes it helps to actually look at all the ways in which we are resisting the problems in our lives.

I love us, you guys.

I love our softness and our fierceness and the way we manage to do so much - to keep going despite chronic pain, to keep giving despite chronic scarcity, to keep moving forward despite overwhelming obstacles. I just love us.

Also, I am learning how to do this kind of narrative work more intentionally and hopefully more skilfully, so if you want to work with me, let me know!
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Know your stories, know yourself.

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